That is the question that Pelin Kesebir, an honorary fellow at the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin–Madison and author of dozens of peer-reviewed articles on the topics of happiness, virtue, and existential psychology, has long sought to answer.
True happiness, she advises, begins by having a healthy relationship with ourselves. Like any nourishing relationship, that starts with honesty.
"This means that a person with a healthy sense of self can tolerate an honest look at themselves. Their self-perception is not heavily distorted through the lens of their ego's desires and fears," she writes.
But self-honesty doesn't mean being overly self-focused. Research has repeatedly found that being preoccupied with ourselves is detrimental to well-being. In other words, always pursuing what you want for selfish reasons won't make you happier, cautions Ms. Kesebir.
"A more effective happiness strategy is what some psychologists refer to as 'otherishness;' people who are more generous, compassionate, and altruistic systematically report that they are happier."
In fact, our very best bet for happiness comes from such virtues, she writes.
"The burgeoning empirical literature on virtue and happiness offers strong support to the age-old argument that virtues increase happiness."
Research has found over and over again that doing good is associated with feeling good.
"In one study, those who endorsed other-oriented and altruistic life goals, such as commitment to family and friendships, helping others, and being socially and politically involved, reported higher life satisfaction both concurrently and over time," writes Ms. Kesebir.
"Commitment to competitive goals related to wealth and consumption, in contrast, was associated with lower life satisfaction."
Living with a deeper purpose does more than make us happier, we also live longer, are less likely to suffer stroke or heart disease, have better emotional regulation, have significantly lower risks of developing Alzheimer's, and even have stronger immune systems, according to several studies cited by Dr. Dong.
On the other hand, the overwhelming ease with which we can now achieve hedonistic happiness—while neglecting virtues and our sense of self regard—may be what is leaving us with rising rates of depression.
While some people may have discounted the wisdom of our ancestors, modern happiness research suggests we take heed.
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