DUKE CANNON'S GUIDE TO APPROPRIATELY GREETING ANOTHER PERSON
One of the most basic exchanges we have in civilized society is the simple act of greeting someone. But over time, different ways of acknowledging each other have sprung up and gained acceptance, with some methods obviously more successful than others. Join us as we cast an eye on the various ways people choose to make someone else's acquaintance.
THE HEAD NOD
A head nod is fine, although it can be interpreted as somewhat curt. This is because it is usually paired with pursed lips, and trotted out for those moments when you are forced to acknowledge someone you don't particularly care for.
THE HAT TIP
This works best when wearing a cowboy hat, but in this courtesy-starved world we find ourselves in, any hat tip is welcome. Tip away, gentlemen.
STANDARD HANDSHAKE
This is the big one, the top of the mountain. Use your right hand, and employ a firm grip, but don't try and show off and crush the other fellow's hand like a second-tier James Bond villain. Also—make sure your hands aren't clammy. No one likes a clammy handshake, and word quickly gets around.
THE EPIC HANDSHAKE
As seen in the movie Predator, this manly clasping of hands is easily the most powerful greeting in recorded human history. But since you are neither Arnold Schwarzenegger, nor Carl Weathers (RIP good sir), there is no need to attempt this.
THE OPEN MOUTH PANTOMIME
We are not entirely sure what this is, but here is how it goes down: a man approaches you from the other direction. Without breaking stride, he opens his mouth briefly, as if to speak. And yet, no sound is actually uttered. What's more, a specific word isn't even mouthed (we would know; we are accomplished lip readers). A quick nod usually follows. What just happened? Did they silently belch? Were they trying to say "hey" and simply lacked the courage to follow through? We may never know. Here is what we do know: this is strange, and we don't like it.
FIST BUMP
Popularized by athletes, this method has gained a significant head of steam during the past decade, and is obviously here to stay. It's less germy than a standard handshake, so we suppose it has that going for it. Note: if you are old, or make your living as a banker or in a comparable suit-wearing profession, we recommend you shy away from the fist bump. Nor should you execute the fist bump and do the explosion/fireworks finger-wiggle thing afterwards.*
*Except when greeting small children
ACTUALLY SAYING HELLO
This is our preferred method, and should be quickly followed by a firm handshake. Are we old-fashioned? Not at all. We are simply a gentleman.
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