Spot: The Summer Olympics Are Here

Friday, July 26, 2024

The Summer Olympics Are Here

DUKE CANNON'S FAVORITE EVENTS OF THE SUMMER OLYMPICS

The Summer Olympics are upon us, and rest assured Duke Cannon has been diligently practicing his "U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" chant. And as we settle into our comfy BarcaLounger® in anticipation of tonight's opening ceremony, our anticipation is sky high, as per usual. But if pressed, we must admit there are some events of the Summer Games we are looking forward to more than others. Here are a few of them.

ARCHERY

We tune into this event as both fan and vocal critic. A classic case of armchair quarterbacking, you say—not so fast. Our skill with a bow (compound, long bow, recurve, a stick with string tied to each end; take your pick) is known far and wide, so we know of what we speak. Think of it as watching the Oscars with Steven Spielberg. You would pay heed to his opinion of the goings-on, yes? This is no different.

CANOE SPRINT

We are unfamiliar with this event, but the mental image of men racing on foot while carrying canoes above their heads is something we are very much interested in. And, if the event turns out not to be that, but instead merely men paddling canoes as fast as humanly possible, well hey—we still get to see men paddling canoes as fast as humanly possible. Classic win/win.  

KARATE

Duke Cannon appreciates all forms of martial artistry, but we are most drawn to Karate for a variety of reasons. It's the word we saw on storefront signs in strip malls growing up. It's what we were all told Bruce Lee used. It's the shorthand for being able to artfully kick someone. And, notably, it pairs with "chop" better than any word out there (save for perhaps "pork.").

TABLE TENNIS

Also known by its nom de plume, "ping pong," this sport, played at this highest level, is far beyond what you have witnessed in basement rec rooms or college dorms. The athletes are crouched low, almost crab-like, applying a dizzying array of spin to their serves and returns. Volleys are a blur and can last for what seems like an eternity. And, in perhaps the most significant point of difference to those watching in America, no red plastic cups full of beer are involved.

MODERN PENTATHLON

Think of this as the buffet of the Olympics: running, jumping, javelin, discus, and wrestling, all in the same event. You conquer this field, and that coveted spot on the front of the Wheaties™️ box is practically assured.

THERE'S A BUCK MOON RISIN'

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